Trip to Missouri

We went to Missouri to see Aaron and his family. Aaron is home from Afghanastan for two week leave. We went down on Friday and came back on Sunday. It was a too short visit but it was nice. We crowded as much as we could into two days. The kids are precious. Aaron look good. He doesn't talk a lot about his assignment and we respect his reasons. So in spite of the elephant in the room we had a good time.

Towards the end of the visit I started to get anxious. All the people and the noise really started to get to me. I'm not sure if it was my emotional state or the hearing aids. All I know is Saturday night I couldn't get out of there fast enough and Sunday night I was SOOOOOO glad when we dropped my daughter and grand children off at their home. The quiet was blissfully sad because as much as I NEEDED the quiet I also wanted to have the time with my daughter, grand children, and son. I sooooo hate feeling so fragile.

I know I am dealing with my grief in a healthy way. I will continue to see the grief counselor as often as he is willing to come. We are slowly recovering from the financial disaster that I created. Myron has been so patient. He knows I feel bad enough, so he does not add to it. Actually, nothing has really changed, I'm just not stressing as much over it. We are still behind on payments. Haven't gotten any overdrafts this week but that doesn't mean we won't. I have taken the attitude that we will pay and pay and pay until the money is gone then we won't won't won't.

Then yesterday, I got a letter from my father who I have not heard from or seen since I was 2 1/2. They want me to write and to call. Close friends and Myron are telling me to be cautious. I'm not sure how I feel or what I want. All I know is I am vulnerable right now and I do not trust my judgement.
This is one of those times I wish Mom was here for me to talk to. Although I don't think I would have this decision to make if she were alive. So I look at her picture and I wonder what would she tell me to do.