My old office had one small window and I got horrible headaches from the ceiling lights. I literally took the fluorescent bulbs out of my office and replaced them with lamps. Now, I am not getting headaches, but I am SO tired before noon that I fight to stay awake by 5:30pm (time to go home). My new office is twice big as the old one and my window is directly behind me when I sit at my computer. Yesterday, I was so tired when I went home all I wanted was to lie down. I have been thinking it is the anti-depressant medication that was making me so tired. But last night I didn't lay down but started to fix supper. By the time I had supper ready, I felt better. I don't have many overhead lights at home. So today I am trying out leaving the overhead lights off in my office. I hope it works. It would be an easy fix.
I have been seeing a grief counselor for a few weeks and I have mentioned the meds. I feel better, and I am able to function at work OK. Our finances are horrible. I can get really down when I think about that. But, we have been in just as bad shape financially and survived. We will survive this too. It just takes time.
In the meantime, I am explaining to everyone that during the last few weeks of Mom's illness and after her death, I was not thinking real clear and I made to really bad choices. My checking accounts are a mess. So we are going to a cash only system (which we should have been on all along). When the money is gone we stop paying. We will catch up eventually.
I played around with the idea of selling my flute. But, to be able to make that kind of sacrifice I would have to get what the flute is worth and I don't think I could. So I have pretty much given that idea up. Besides, I want to play it at Mom's memorial service in October.
One thing that probably won't happen is, I won't be taking her ashes to Minnesota in September unless our finances improve dramatically. That is possible but it doesn't look good. I'm OK with that. We will go when it doesn't hurt us financially. Mom will be OK with that.
It's nice not feeling so torn apart. I miss Mom a lot of course. But, I am starting to look forward. I know Mom expects me to be able to carry on. She raised me to be strong. That is what I will be.
a journal about keeping the memories of my mother who suffers with Lewy Body Dementia
On November 13, 2010 I gladly became the primary caregiver of my mother. She has Lewy Body Dementia, the second most common memory loss condition after Alzhiemers. I knew nothing about Lewy Body Dementia until I brought Mom to Indiana to live with me. My mother is a resident at the Waters of Covington, a rehabilitation center near our home. I would like to have her live with us but her care is more then one person can provide. The staff at the Waters fell in love with Mom immediately. She may be losing her memory and her ability to care for herself but she hasn't lost her sense of humor or her gentle grace. This blog is meant to be a journal of our days together.
On May 15, 2011 My Mother peacefully and fearlessly passed into the here after. Now I journey alone, yet not alone. I have a lifetime of memories.
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