It's been two weeks since Mom died and I still feel like I'm locked in a bad dream. I haven't heard from my sister or brother since the day Mom died and I asked for help with her burial expenses. The burial expenses are paid but our finances are stretched to the very limit. Actually we are going to struggle for a couple of months. So, I am angry besides the hurt of missing Mom.
She is in that awful little black box. I want to take her back to Minnesota and we are stretching everything just to get by. Car died, truck died, checks bouncing, bills not being paid, Mom's clothes in plastic bags still in the living room I haven't made myself take care if them. I keep wanting to see her, touch her, talk to her. I want to stop crying.
Somedays are actually normal. But others--I wake up missing her. I honestly don't know if I'm mourning or worrying over the finances.
Either one by themself is a pretty big problem. Together they are too much. Myron keeps telling me, we've been through worse. Maybe--
I just wish I could wake up.
We signed Mom up for hospice services the Friday before she died. They offer bereavement services for 13 months. I am going to take advantage of that. If nothing else it will be a chance to say how I REALLY feel without being judged as faithless.
If there is one thing I have learned through having cancer and now loosing Mom is having "faith" does not keep you from being normal. Having faith means there is ultimately Someone to help you through. It's the going through with grace that sets us apart not the idea of escaping the pain. If I didn't cry for Mom, I would be heartless or at least sick. Crying is not defeat. Not being able to go on -- now that is defeat.
- Linda Shumaker uses BlogPress from my iPhone
a journal about keeping the memories of my mother who suffers with Lewy Body Dementia
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