It's a book on Anticipatory Grief -- A really uplifting subject. LOL But I felt I needed a little help. There are no support groups here. My husband does NOT understand what I feel sometimes and I will NOT talk to the staff in my office. Why-- because they cannot or will not approach this on my level which is a daughter who loves her mother very much and as a woman of very strong Christian faith. So I sent for this book. In the first few pages I found two poems that really speak how I feel:
In the darkest place inside,
Something shuddered and took life.
Nothing quite so grand as
a cataclysmic roar
or a howl of anguish
or even a whimper of fear.
Just a h-m-m-m, almost electronic, louder at night.
I will myself to ignore it,
I drown it out with music,
I distract myself, try to relax,
focus on autumn's beauty.
It bides its time.
It whispers of sinister mystery,
unnamed danger,
Finally, in anger and desperation
I demand -- Make yourself known!
You are losing, your are losing her.
From "Singing Mother Home" by Donna S. Davenport
Wanting still to fix things, to make guarantees,
Or at least do these hard months for her,
I hear reality's thunder crash over my wishes.
The current is too strong,
I cannot save her,
There are rapids up ahead ---
whirlpools and undercurrents --
That will surely take her from me.
I hate it, I hate it.
I cry in the car, I kick a trashcan against the wall.
No surprise -- my tears change nothing.
This process does not like me.
It clearly does not listen.
And so, a comprimise of sorts,
A promise:
I will stay with you,
You will not be alone.
Tell me what you need and I will help.
And when you cannot tell me anymore,
When words no longer come,
When you cannot call across the chasm,
I will still be here.
From"Singing Mother Home" by Donna S. Davenport
a journal about keeping the memories of my mother who suffers with Lewy Body Dementia
On November 13, 2010 I gladly became the primary caregiver of my mother. She has Lewy Body Dementia, the second most common memory loss condition after Alzhiemers. I knew nothing about Lewy Body Dementia until I brought Mom to Indiana to live with me. My mother is a resident at the Waters of Covington, a rehabilitation center near our home. I would like to have her live with us but her care is more then one person can provide. The staff at the Waters fell in love with Mom immediately. She may be losing her memory and her ability to care for herself but she hasn't lost her sense of humor or her gentle grace. This blog is meant to be a journal of our days together.
On May 15, 2011 My Mother peacefully and fearlessly passed into the here after. Now I journey alone, yet not alone. I have a lifetime of memories.
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I would like to invite you to check out the site caregiving.com
ReplyDeleteIt's an online support group for caregivers of all kinds, spouses, siblings, adult children, parents.
There are also many resources listed there you might find helpful besides the support of the people that hang out there. People you can relate to and can relate to you.
We would love to see you there :)