Sonehow the days have run together and a year has gone by. It feels so very impossible.I still miss her terribly. The closer I get to that one year date the harder it is for me to keep my composure. I have decided that I am going to take her Death Day to remember her in a special way. I am taking that day off and I am going to go to the park. I am going to draw and walk the trails. I might go shopping That evening Myron and I am going to go out for a nice dinner. I just don't want the day to be work as usual. That day is an important day to me. I am going to honor her passing as best I can.
I bought her a lilly last year for easter. I brought it home and planted it on the south side of our house. Her lilly didn't come up this year. So maybe I will buy another one to take home and plant. This has been a nice year for planting flowers. The weather is not real hot and we are getting lots of rain even though the water tables are way down from the dry winter. Mom especially loved lillies. She once planted a lilly at her last house. She wouldn't let me go home without taking a picture of it for her. So, yes, I will buy a lilly to plant for her.
I have been working on a pencil portrait of her. I am going to mat it and frame it when I am done. She would be thrilled that I am drawing again. When we were young, Mom bought my sister and brother bicycles one summer. She bought me an oil painting set. She was very proud of my artwork. She was disappointed when I quite drawing after my kids were born. I am taking a drawing class. The woman who teaches it is young and very talented. I will take my drawing to her tonight to get her to tell me what I need to do on it still. It looks very much like Mom. But I want it to be the best I can make it.
a journal about keeping the memories of my mother who suffers with Lewy Body Dementia
On November 13, 2010 I gladly became the primary caregiver of my mother. She has Lewy Body Dementia, the second most common memory loss condition after Alzhiemers. I knew nothing about Lewy Body Dementia until I brought Mom to Indiana to live with me. My mother is a resident at the Waters of Covington, a rehabilitation center near our home. I would like to have her live with us but her care is more then one person can provide. The staff at the Waters fell in love with Mom immediately. She may be losing her memory and her ability to care for herself but she hasn't lost her sense of humor or her gentle grace. This blog is meant to be a journal of our days together.
On May 15, 2011 My Mother peacefully and fearlessly passed into the here after. Now I journey alone, yet not alone. I have a lifetime of memories.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Missing Her
As much as I try to rationalize it is still hard at times knowing that my mother is gone. We are remodeling our livingroom. I moved the box that holds Mom's ashes and it just hit me like a run away train that she was gone. We talk about taking her home and it seems so unreal. I look at her picture and I think I need to call her. Then I am sad because I know I can't. My grief counselor says I need closure. I'm not convienced that taking her ashes back to Minnesota will really do that. I think the feeling that a piece is missing will always be there.
I am painting and learning to draw. My assignment for next week is to decide on a picture I want to draw. I think I will draw a picture of Mom happy and full of life. I think studying her face is what I want to do for awhile.
I am painting and learning to draw. My assignment for next week is to decide on a picture I want to draw. I think I will draw a picture of Mom happy and full of life. I think studying her face is what I want to do for awhile.
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