When I was a little girl Thanksgiving started at school. We read stories about the pilgrims and the indians. We sang songs about gratitude and love. We made funny black hats and wore aprons. Pumpkin pie was enjoyed several times just because.
Mom was a single mom when being a single mom wasn't talked about. She worked HARD. We always managed to have a turkey. Her sacrifices during the summer paid off in a feast that would be remembered all year long. She made two kinds of dressing for the turkey. One with oysters and one without. She eventually told me the story about how she came to not like oysters. I laughed when she told me about trying to eat an oyster right out of the can and almost throwing up as it slide down her throat.
We as kids NEVER felt deprived. We didn't know we were poor until someone else told us. The only thing we missed was a father.We lived above a skidrow bar. We learned early how to dodge drunks. Somehow she preserved our inocense. We were good kids and it was she who made sure we stayed that way. She loved us with all her heart, soul and strength. She made the holidays magical starting with Thanksgiving. It's no wonder that I miss her so much.
a journal about keeping the memories of my mother who suffers with Lewy Body Dementia
On November 13, 2010 I gladly became the primary caregiver of my mother. She has Lewy Body Dementia, the second most common memory loss condition after Alzhiemers. I knew nothing about Lewy Body Dementia until I brought Mom to Indiana to live with me. My mother is a resident at the Waters of Covington, a rehabilitation center near our home. I would like to have her live with us but her care is more then one person can provide. The staff at the Waters fell in love with Mom immediately. She may be losing her memory and her ability to care for herself but she hasn't lost her sense of humor or her gentle grace. This blog is meant to be a journal of our days together.
On May 15, 2011 My Mother peacefully and fearlessly passed into the here after. Now I journey alone, yet not alone. I have a lifetime of memories.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The holidays are proving hard.
I sometimes have problems with Thanksgiving anyway. This is the time of year that I miss the kids (the two tht we don't have contact with). But this year it is harder because I am missing Mom too. I have been having nightmares. Dreams I haven't had to deal with for a very long time. Dreams where I am taking care of things and the kids are there making it hard. The difference is Mom is there too. She is alive and strong. And when I normally wake up to end the awefulness of it now I am fighting to stay asleep because I am enjoying having her with me. It's craziness I know. I called my grief counselor and asked him for a meet up. I think it will help. At least it will give me permission to cry. It seems so much of the time I am sucking it in and telling myself "Not now." But there doesn't seem to be a time to cry. My husband and others are pleased with the way I am "handling" things. Little do they know that I'm not handling anything right now. I HATE the fact that I haven't buried Mom properly yet. I also hate the way I have to be for everyone else. It doesn't matter that there are times I am madder then hell. I soooo want to beat something up. It makes me mad that I have to go on like everything is ok now. It's not ok and I want someone else other then me to know that. I hate that I am giving in and being socially acceptable. I hate that I have stopped taking the anti-depressants because my husband wanted me to. I hate the fact that there are days that I actually enjoy the day and everything is the way it should be and then there are days like today whenI am quietly miserible.
I have applied for a second job. When I get it, I will be able to save for the trip to Minnesota. I am praying that I can do that next spring. I will take Mom back and bury her where she wanted (not where it is convient for my sister or brothers) . I will contact my brother to see if I can get her pictures. IF he still has them. I can't see a commercial for Storage Wars without getting really upset. I am so scared that he has lost that storage and that is why he won't send me the pictures.
I have applied for a second job. When I get it, I will be able to save for the trip to Minnesota. I am praying that I can do that next spring. I will take Mom back and bury her where she wanted (not where it is convient for my sister or brothers) . I will contact my brother to see if I can get her pictures. IF he still has them. I can't see a commercial for Storage Wars without getting really upset. I am so scared that he has lost that storage and that is why he won't send me the pictures.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Sunday was special
Sunday was special. We went to church then went out for dinner. We went to the Festival of Trees and then we went to a special Memorial service for all the people who passed away and were served by Sunset Funeral Services. It was special to me because my mother died on May 15th this year but I haven't been able to bury her yet. My siblings were not interested in a service for her. I REALLY needed the service. I am praying that I will be able to take her home for a proper burial next spring. But, in the meantime the service this weekend was nice. Of courase I cried and was sad for the rest of the day. But sad isn't bad.
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